leadership roundtable hq

The Cost of Unresolved Conflicts, Part 1

Few years ago, my 2 maternal uncles had a conflict. Their 4 sisters summoned a settlement meeting in their Villa. Somehow, I was invited, perhaps as an honoured grandson. No other grandson. I went.

At the meeting, their sisters (my 4 aunts) prevailed on their 2 brothers to forgive themselves and that they’re not here for anyone to recount what make him angry, or his grievances or misgivings or make any statement. I kept mute in my usual characteristics, noting a serious error in the evolving process. When all were tired, someone observed that their honourable grandson, the consultant, my humble self had not said or gestured anything in spite of their prolonged argument – so, let’s allow him speak.

Ok, I stood up. I told the gathering that the peace they want is desirable, but is been sought erroneously by these sisters. They want to resolve Conflicts but ignore reconciliation and of managing the conflict. It’s impossible to settle dispute, mediate, resolve Conflicts, reconcile warring parties and managing entire Conflicts without the first principle/step: HEARING THE BONE OF CONTENTION. Peace starts with talking it out TOGETHER.

It’s like what happens in my nation: too many efforts to resolve but not to manage Conflicts. People always assume that;

+ time will tell,

+ time will heal.

Can I tell you the truth? Can I?

– ONLY TRUTH CAN HEAL

– TIME WILL TICK: SO, WAITING FOR TIME TO TELL IS STUPID & NONSENSICAL.

CONFLICTS? CRISIS? FIGHT?

Conflicts is when there’s disharmony between two thoughts, between what is said and what is heard… When John wants A and Johnny want A, and there’s no compromise between John and Johnny, Conflict occurs. When this conflict is not handled well, it snowballs into CRISIS, and when crisis is not nip off the bud, it tends to protest, riot, demonstration and upheaval. If not suppressed, it might lead to FIGHT or war as the case maybe.

When the conflicting parties belong to the same group, family, business organization/company, even nation, the price of warfare is almost always greater than either side can hope to gain. [Don’t read this paragraph just like that, eat it over 10x.] I see this situation everywhere;

+ in organizations

+ in my country

+ in my uncles’ houses

+ in my state

+ etc.;

each party/side to the Conflicts paying price (LOSING) far greater than the side hope to gain.

# Each part of my country loss more than she thought possible to gain…

# Each of my uncle loss more than he thought possible to gain… A month after, the matter their sisters forced them not to talk it out (vent) snowballed to heavy hatred and crisis. [their grandson was right.]

# State factions actors loss more than they thought they can gain.

# Same for organization.

Why?

PEOPLE ARE IMPATIENT TO DISCUSS SIGNS OF CONFLICTS, OR CONFLICTS PROPER, AND WOULD RUSH INTO relationship/bonding, saying;

+ let’s forgive and forget (it’s impossible).

+ time will take care of it (it’s “impossicant”).

+ time will heal wound (time isn’t balm).

  1. All problems in our land showed signs over 100years, some persons think time will heal.
  2. All divorces showed signs at first, second or third meeting, but someone will think I’m or we are in love and can manage the already signaled crack when they start living together.
  3. All devices/equipment and vehicles’ failures show signs of Conflicts before breakdown.

But humans are specialist in ignoring Conflicts signs

WHAT ARE COSTS OF UNRESOLVED CONFLICTS?

Space is gone, see me in Part 2.

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Dr Mike Ihezuo

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Mike is a leader and leader’s developer, a speaker, an author and a prolific writer, a researcher and consultant. He invests life, time, energy, resources and money to empowering organizations desiring upward dive to top performance and individuals desirous of fulfilling their destinies, discovering purpose and seeking success towards significance. Mike, as a life coach, team builder, conflict resolutions exponent, motivational maestro, negotiation experts, corporate strategist, an entrepreneur and entrepreneurial developer, invites you to this LeadershipRoundTableHQ. Let’s talk and discuss so as to learn and GROW…

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